What You Think

Alison's PET/CT scan Tuesday revealed that she has tumors in her spleen, hip muscles, and pelvis now. The doctor disagrees with the neurofibroma biopsy result, having seen the PET/CT and reading the history, and told us that we might never know what this cancer is, or where it started. He said that we should treat it for a cancer that it most likely is, which in his opinion, he feels that all the cancer, tumors and bone involvement is the same. He said since the treatments for what we've assumed was Neuroendocrine have failed, and we've exhausted each of them, we should try a treatment with a chemo that treats other cancers that act the way Alison's is acting. We are seeing a sarcoma specialist and a neurosurgeon soon.

We remain positive, feeling like we're getting closer to the answer, or at least the next good step. I've really come to realize lately that it's not the information you have, not even what you think, but the way you think it.

I know that if we can manage to stay under water long enough this time (it feels like we're holding our breath and running out of time), we'll find a real good place to surface.

PET/CT In The Morning

We have to be at IU downtown by 7:30. This weekend was fun; I finished the basement. Spent time with Alison. Watched Spiderwick Chronicles.

Neuro Origin

Yesterday we received completely unexpected word. The news we received did not negate Alison's Neuroendocrine Cancer diagnosis. It just complicated it.
For many tests, we tried to find where the cancer started. Through a colonoscopy, endoscopy, wireless endoscopy, and various other tests, Alison was a champ. The tests showed nothing. Just that her bone marrow was Neuroendocrine, and the CT scans showed a big mass in her belly. In the last two years, the neuroendocrine cancer spread to her liver, and a new mass developed in the lining of her lungs.
Then we got a biopsy of the big mass in her belly, to make sure the right diagnosis was found in the neuroendocrine cancer in her bone marrow biopsy.
Which brings us to now: the results are: her big mass is a neurofibroma. Neurofibromas are non-cancerous (Don't gulp because her bone marrow is still neuroendocrine cancer) in that they do not invade the organs, typically do not spread, etc. Neurofibromas are genetically inherited, and can lead to cancer. That's what we suspect happened in Alison's case: Gene kicks in gear, mass appears, mass leads to development in the bones of Neuroendocrine cancer.
So to recount, we know that her bones have cancer, and that the big mass is a neurofibroma. What we don't know for sure is which type is in her liver and her lungs, although atleast the lung spot is in the lining, not overtaking the lung, which makes me think it's a neurofibroma. The liver lesions are actually in the liver, making me speculate that they're the malignant neuroendocrine cancer.
Some other facts to note are that 1) neurofibroma has no treatment, except for removal by surgery, 2) removal by surgery can be effective, except that hers is wrapping around her spine and nerves there, and 3) one can live for decades with neurofibromas.
And from here, we begin concentrating on two fronts: the fight against her Neuroendocrine cancer, and the control of her Neurofibromas. In the fight against the neuroendocrine cancer, IU is sending for the bone marrow biopsy slides before they can choose the next step, we're doing some more testing including a PET/CT Scan and a 24 hr urinalysis. In controlling her neurofibromas, we're going to see a neurosurgeon about the possibility of either removing or reducing her big belly mass. Atleast the kidney and aorta could go back to their normal position if they were able to reduce it.
I'll understand if you have to re-read this post several times to understand what I wrote.
Any Questions?

Today

We're getting around and will head downtown this morning to hear the results of her biopsy, and to plan her treatment. We're both nervous, but I have great faith that no matter what, it'll get better from here. Doing treatment rather than lying in wait. Being proactive instead of our current 'wait and see' approach.

I don't know if this will translate, but last night when we hugged, I wanted her to feel every sunset we'd had together. I could imagine all the love in seven year's of shared sunlight, and wanted to give them to her to make her feel safe.

Untitled

I grew up on the water.
For as long as I can remember I heard the boats absorb the waves, hitting the docks. I heard aluminum collide with semi-submerged tires, floats, wooden dock and steel poles that supported them.
Their gentle tinging was a big wind chime, and it slowed my pulse.
I remember considering their plight, rocking against the storms, facing winds and being pelted by raindrops.
Each morning as the clouds rolled away, and the grasses shed their last drops, the boats would be there, strong as ever, drying out as well.
They weathered well, all friction and force.
And that's how it is now, in the midst of a storm, holding fast and waiting for the sun. Our love is our mooring, and we collide rhythmically, with the faith that we can make it until morning.

Tuesday and Tonight

Tuesday will be the day we hear the results of Alison's biopsy. And hopefully, we hear about the next step, some treatment to do NOW. We're both antsy not doing anything, though Alison has developed a routine to her misery. Nausea has faded a little, and now its a simple pain-management and fever watch. We learned that her was-nightly-now-persistent fever is called "tumor fever." So, Tuesday it is. Endure Endure Endure.
Tonight I was installing baseboard in the basement, when I caught myself making a list in my head: "Tips to help adapt to life with cancer." I'm not being pessimistic when I say that each of us, if we live long enough, will have cancer. So in my optomistic mind, I thought, well, might as well indulge and write a few things that Alison has had to adapt to down. SO here a just a few:

Get used to needles.

Get used to pills.

Get used to surgery and wounds.

Don't fight nausea.

Let yourself rest more.

Cling to routines.

Let yourself have perspective.

Take things a day at a time.

If 2 years ago you'd have told me that Alison would become a pro at all the above, or better yet, HAVE TO BE a pro at those, I'd have said it was an uphill battle. But she has conquered each, one step at a time.

Go baby Go.

Obscure Advice About Love and Relationships

They are counter-intuitive.

Atleast in my experience. (One should really ask my Grandmother, who drove her relationship for 53 years with my Grandfather before he died)

Most people judge relationships by how they're treated. What they get. How they feel. How they are feeling. How the other person makes us feel. And true, when it's firing on all cylinders, a good relationship brings a comfort and satisfaction that soothes.

But that outlook won't cut the mustard. One has to be in a relationship to give love to the other person, without want in return. That's difficult sometimes. Everyone leaves drawers open, snores, fails to put away their razor or vitamins, or dishes. Everyone is flawed.

Not too many people are happy riding around in an old beat up car, doors smashed in from snow drifts, ceiling falling down from age and flapping in the wind, windshield cracked, smoke coming out of the exhaust. Most people are a little embarrassed by a POS car. But that's every relationship. They're simply POS cars with drivers. And the driver is always you. The point is to let go and love that old car. To wash over the dents, to fill it up trusting it'll get you home in spite of the clunk and nashing sound it was making when you shut it down. If you're happy there at the pump with your POS, you're half of a happy relationship. Your significant other is also the driver of the other half of the relationship, which to him or her, feels like they're behind the wheel of a car with no A/C, static in the speakers, a glove box that won't shut, and a nasty stain in the back seat that has a stench on the hot days.

So I guess the trick is to accept and love. To simply love because that's what you do, not because that's what you want in return. Relationships aren't vending machines. They're POS cars. Drive and smile.

Admitted and Long Night

The procedure took way too long yesterday, so I was suspecting something went wrong, reading my magazine. I got up for coffee and cookies (sorry Alison, it's bad of me to eat when you cannot), and after they were gone, I got up for coke and pretzels. 2 hours gone for a ten minute procedure... Finally the doctor returned along with Alison in her bed, and he explained to me that she experienced some bleeding but he opted to get the sample anyway. He actually collected several. I asked if it wasn't normal to bleed when they stab someone, but he intimated that this was more than normal, and she'd have to stay overnight to make sure she wasn't bleeding internally.
Her blood counts went from 9.3 to 7.6 post-surgery. We went upstairs, and she had to wait in the hall on her bed while they returned her roommate to the room first. Yeah, there was a roommate, which is fine if the room is large enough to accomadate and didn't smell like permanent glade air freshener covering up death and disease. I was really proud of Alison for adapting to that situation, though it was challenging to be too motivated in a tiny bathroom that the IV hanger barely fit in, with those used-to-be 1 inch tiles with grout muddied up by 30 years of consistent use. But if she wasn't complaining, I couldn't disclose how I missed that gucci hotel room-like room at Community North as I sat in the single visitor's chair overnight. To IU's credit, their new building for cancer patients opens in September. But last night was long, with a transfusion of two bags of blood.
By this morning she'd proved she wasn't bleeding inside, and we were released for home. She's resting up now, extremely sore from the whole thing. We don't have the results of the core samples yet, and won't have them until atleast Wednesday.

Biopsy Tomorrow

Tomorrow morning (0700) we'll be at IU for a CT-guided biopsy of Alison's main tumor. (The retropetrineal mass). IU says they will be better prepared to make a treatment decision after seeing a sample. They are concerned by the presentation of her cancer. No carcinoid syndrome. Faster than typical Neuroendocrine tumors. Somewhat responsive to chemo, though most Carcinoid Neuroendocrine cancer is not. I tend to agree with them; they should be absolutely prepared for this decision.
Today I came home to take Alison for a blood transfusion, but she's not doing well, feeling rest is better than seeing the doctor yet again. Her blood counts are not really all that bad, and can definitely make it through the weekend, so I agreed. It seems like resting up for our IU trip tomorrow makes sense.

The Relay

Tonight Alison and I (plus family and friends) attended the Relay for Life. Our Brother-In-Law's Mother, Susan, put Ali's Allies (a team to support Alison) together and was the driving factor in our whole participation. It showed true caring and character, extraordinary compassion and kindness on her part. She has a big heart. And if you look below, she has the red shirt on, showing her Captainship of our team. She was there all day.

While watching Alison at the event, I was struck by her grace. She wore a purple shirt, signifying her cancer survivorship, and when I watched her dawn her sash, I wondered if I would handle her situation with half as much class. She was all smiles, her spirit glowing. I was proud of her. Somehow her strength still stops me and makes me watch.

So here are a few photos. I have new news, but I'll blog about that later...

Oh, and thanks to everyone who gave. I think we raised more than 700$ for the American Cancer Society.

Two Years

So technically Alison got diagnosed on 20 June 2006. But if my memory serves me, today is two years from the doctor giving us a list of three types of cancer she might have, and then turning her on her side to dig out sample from her pelvic bone while I held her hand. Funny though, at the time those three options didn't key in as cancer, just as some big worded things we needed to get fixed. Cancer wasn't even a possibility to me, even as I heard the words "multiple myeloma, Hodgkin's lymphoma, leukemia."
Cancer has changed our relationship. Deepened it. I know Alison in ways I never would have. We've talked about things that two young lovers never should. And my love for her has turned from fresh cut flowers to a solid oak tree.
Today we hear about the next step. The doctors will have chosen one by this afternoon. We also go to make sure her kidney stent is placed correctly. In December 2006 we went to the H. Lee Moffitt cancer center. At the time it felt like a hail Mary. We were down on our options; Ali was in a lot of pain. We're sort of there now...again. Everyone is in the end zone waiting for the pass.
I'm going on the record now, saying no matter what happens, I'd do this one hundred times more. I'd walk this walk with Alison time and time again.
Thanks for enriching my life, Ali. I love you with all my heart. I hope you feel better.

Updated Update

IU was good, and I know this sounds pretentous, but the Doc was the first in a long time that I felt was smarter than me. Lately it's seemed they were all unprepared, unread-in on her case, and I was the one teaching them. Yesterday I was learning a lot in a short amount of time. She was quite prepared, and though she didn't have any solutions, she had many suggestions, and is talking with her other doctors, and talking with specialists from MD Anderson and Dana Farber today to see what option is the collective favorite.
Hopefully Ali will be a candidate for a clinical study, because most of the drugs are 2-3k per round. Ouch. I can just imagine the fight with insurance over that.
So we'll hear back from IU tomorrow, Friday, after our urology visit.

Today Alison and I are visiting the IU Medical Center in Carmel. There is a clinical study going on that we're going to see if she's a good candidate for. Wish us luck.
As far as her condition currently, fair to midlings is an over estimate. She's continued her radiation side effects (nausea vomitting burnt esophagus fatigue etc) as well as some bone pain and relative immobility. She's not staying in front of the pain because she vomits the pills as soon as she takes them. She's also got some effects from the kidney stent happening (blood in urine, abdominal cramping, etc)
Things are rough.
We see the urologist and the oncologist on Friday as well...
The light notes are that my nephew continues to help, and Alison is attended-to very nicely this week by her mom. There's nothing quite as soothing as motherly-nurturing.

Alison's Radiation

Ali's been home since Friday. I think it's safe to say we prefer chemo over radiation, hands down. She's continuously been nauseas, even vomitting, cold sweats, fatigued, and her throat is being affected tremendously too. She's had several IV's of Pepcid, but she's still having issues with eating and swallowing. She's lost 11 lbs in two weeks.
She's battling though, and needs to complete Friday's, then next week until Wednesday.
The new doctor, whom I haven't been impressed by, is setting up an appointment for her to visit the IU medical center to see if she qualifies for a clinical study. We'll see how that goes.
Work has been engaging. A lot to learn in a short amount of time. And the house isn't unpacked yet, but it's liveable.
We're missing Carolina a bit, but doing our best at nesting here. Thought I'd leave an update for those worried about her not posting, doing her 365 photos, etc. She's just not up to it.

Ali's Home

Alison escaped from the hospital yesterday in time for some grilled burgers and dogs with the family. She really likes the house, and is sleeping right now. She got out of the hospital in time for my first motorcycle 'incident' which was not an accident, it was a clutch cable rip, leaving me stranded in the middle of a mini-marathon at Geist Reservior. Glad I spent the extra 10$ per year for roadside assistance.
My lesson learned is to read the signs. I couldn't find my leather jacket (opted for the rain suit instead), couldn't find my gloves (opted for a spair set), and even thought about those two things being signs...

Successful Surgery

Alison's stent is now in. If she weens herself off liquid pain medicine, she'll get to go home tomorrow. We've felt really loved with all the emails, notes, and comments. Ali's friends and family ripped through the house today and unpacked the kitchen, living room, master and master bath. The rest will come in time. The main thing is that the bed is made and ready for Alison to come home and rest. (You can lay around and sleep in a hospital, but it's not rest)

Bone Scan

The bone scan came back clean. By clean I mean no breaks or hairline fractures. Still cancerous.
That's really good.
I'm actually in Alison's hospital bed writing this. She's in the recliner. It's a nice change. We had white chicken chili tonight, lasagna last night, and chicken tetrazini the night prior, all courtesy of some friends who love us. :) Thanks friends.
Alison's schedule tomorrow is 10:30 radiation, 2:30 stent placement attempt #2. If the operation is successful, she could be released as early as Friday. That would be awesome.
When she does get released, she'll come home to boxes. The movers weren't able to put things away smartly, so I just told them to leave it all boxed in order to avoid chaos.

Update

It's 1 AM and I am just getting to the hospital. Alison had a bone scan today (Tuesday), and went through radiation therapy again. In a good sign, she had a big dinner. Salad and lasagna.
The stent operation #2 is scheduled for Thursday.
Wednesday she has only radiation therapy to complete. Hopefully the rest will be good for her.
The house is almost ready. Big thanks to my mom, my little brother, my nephew Steven, and Chantelle (H.S. pal of mine), as they all have paint dried under their finger nails. The only thing I didn't do yet that I need to is the kitchen. I think I can do that tomorrow as they unpack us.
I am excited to get Alison home. Maybe this weekend???

The Latest and Greatest

Alison had a rough day today.
She started out with a shower (which is cumbersome as she is), a CT scan to mark the spots to radiate more precisely, then had the stent placed. The kidney stent placement was unsuccesful; they didn't have one long enough or thin enough. So now she's got two catheters, one to dialate the tube leading to the kidney, and one to drain waste since it would be difficult to go with a tube down there. It's rather uncomfortable for her.
And then, as if she wasn't drained enough, she had another Ambulance ride to the radiation/cancer center for some more radiation therapy. Her mom has stayed by her side the entire time.
I, on the other hand, was trying to get the new house ready for her. The movers come Wednesday, so Ali and I picked out paint colors for nearly every room on the top floor last night. Her nephew came today to help. Great to have him. Paint is expensive. But worth it.
We'll keep you posted.

Radiation Day 2 / Kidney Splint Plans

Ali has radiation therapy in another 20 minutes. We just talked with the urologist here about her blocked kidney. Turns out the block is occurring between the kidney and the bladder. The kidney is approximately 2-3 times the size it should be. Apparently kidneys have two parts, the filter around the middle, and the middle that stores the urine. Their role is to maintain the balance of bodily fluids by filtering and secreting metabolites (such as urea) and minerals from the blood and excreting them, along with water, as urine. Go Wikipedia.
Anyways, either Monday or Tuesday, Alison will have a splint placed to allow that kidney to drain. They scope the splints in. Here's to hoping that the extra room in there, after releasing the flood gates, will provide much needed relief to Ali.
-Update- Alison is completed with day 2 of radiation. It was much quicker today, and she's feeling alright. Her blood was low, so she'll go through another transfusion today. Tomorrow she's scheduled for a CT scan so they can spot in better with their radiation. They're also going to place ?permanent? marks on her so they can sight in easier.
We get the keys to our new house at 4PM. My mother and brother are coming to help repair and paint the walls, plus clean, so that when the movers unpack us on Wednesday, Alison will be released to a house we can call home.

Bad Piece of News - update

Updates at bottom. Alison mentioned previously that she'd been experiencing back pain, and associated it with stress from relocation. Well, yesterday we came home after buying our new house, and she went into some excruciating pain. She couldn't sit, lay, or stand comfortably. She finally let me take her to the new ER, where they did an MRI. The MRI showed some tumorous involvement in the 11Th and 12Th lumbar, as well as between her shoulder blades. The lower one poses 2 problems: it's obstructing the right kidney from releasing urine, and it's compressing the spinal chord. The doctors fear that the compression could lead to paralysis/permanent nerve damage. This morning she'll be transported to the radiation facility, where they'll begin a radiation treatment that will last for the next three weeks. Hopefully though, she'll be able to come home on Monday, and begin her outpatient treatment.We're both in good spirits, but it is both nice to have family within minutes and hours, but terrifying to have a whole new set of doctors that don't know her history, and are taking some aggressive action.
-She completed radiation treatment #1 at 1PM. We had to ride in an ambulance to a new building. The EMTs were nice, and suggested she wear her shades. I don't know if she really meant it, but she told me to take this picture for her picture of the day, which she's still doing, but hasn't updated online yet. She returned nauseas, and vomitted before falling asleep.

Big Update

Here's the latest, for those checking in:

-Alison's settled in with her new Cancer Center and Oncologist.
-She's a quart low on blood. Transfusion Tuesday. This is a possible reason for the pain and headaches she's been experiencing since we departed Carolina.
-We closed on the new house. A day late though, due to some backlog at the Department of Veteran's Affairs.
-I bought a 1997 Suzuki DR 350 SE. Also made it to the hardware store and back without killing myself. I haven't drove a motorcycle in 8 years, so I am extra cautious because I'm just a baby-rider. Big thanks to Colin for helping me find a good bike. He's the pro.
-Haven't checked into work yet.
-Sister's baby shower is tomorrow. I'm taking my little brother golfing, weather permitting, during that time, but helping with set up and recovering the cats.
-Cats are in Syracuse Indiana.

New Bike For New Helmet

New Helmet For New Bike

Round Barn In Rush County

Round Barn In Rush County 1
Originally uploaded by The Piper's Son

Ali and I have arrived in Indiana. We took our time, and enjoyed the trip more than usual. My particular favorite moments were my niece hollering at me for using the bat-phone at Pizza King too much (you order on these little phones at the booth there) and seeing this round barn.

Click on the photo to see more...

Beaufort In the Rearview

I left Beaufort at 6 PM yesterday. The house is completely empty, and really clean thanks to Jan working feverishly the last few days. I was packing while she was cleaning, and we made good time. Thanks Jan, that was very generous of you, and key in getting me up to Columbia on time.

The only thing I can think that I forgot was to take Alison out of the Medical Insurance for the Southeast. I anticipate getting some guff over that, but they'll have to be understanding: she had an appointment on the last day she was here, and I'd rather be covered and apologetic than hit with a bill because of semantics.

Ali and I will likely drive out of here Monday and arrive on Tuesday. I'm looking forward to taking my time.

IT'S MOVING DAY

The movers should be here in an hour. Even though they're packing, moving, and unpacking, there has been a rather long laundry list of tasks to complete. Alison had a rough night last night. I think she's over exerted herself these past few days. Her back was hurting so bad that it sent pain to her stomach and chest when she stood up straight. She didn't sleep well, and vom'd a few times before her extra-special pain meds kicked in.

I can't wait to just be settled in Indianapolis.

Preparations

New look for my utility trailer.

Husbands Buying Stuff Without Approval

Funny thing yesterday. I went to donate some goods to Habitat for Humanity: a lawnmover, paints, antique gas cans, etc. Before I knew what happened, I had a sailboat loaded into the trailer and was thinking about what Alison would say. I didn't consult her before the purchase. I rationalized it by my selling of the Humdinger only two days before, the fact that this Sunfish was less than the deposit on the Humdinger, and that I've ALWAYS wanted one but never owned one, etc.
I walked in the door and asked her Dad, who's visiting with us, when his birthday was. He said January and I said, "Happy Birthday." They were shocked. I think Dave was pritty excited, because he helped me scrub it down for the next hour.
My plan is to put it on top the trailer and move it myself, then work on it before we move into our new house. We have about 10 days with little to do...
Pictures to come.

New Destination In Sight

We have a contract on a new house. Our move-in date is May 11th. Things work out on their own without my concern if I just let them...

Pow-wow

Ali and I had a great evening last night that started with a trip to the waterfront park to watch the sun set.

We had a long talk about our intent for the move, and made a huge to-do list; one pre-movers taking our stuff, and one post-movers taking our stuff. The pre-movers list is so long that I need to conclude my house improvement work and turn to on it.

On a different note, we received some news that put everything into perspective. None of this house stuff really matters. A friend of ours is really struggling in her battle for cancer, and she needs our prayers...

Bye, Bye Lady's Island Bye

Ali and I are starting to realize we won't see this everyday...

New Lease On Life

Ali's ailments are ironing out. Just in time for the chemo-funk, but it's that: in time. Atleast now it's fatigue and nausea and not fatigue, nausea and lots of pain. Little blessings are the best. Two nights ago I woke up with such bad congestion behind my sternum (acid reflux?) that I had to get up and work in the garage a while, then try to make myself vomit, and finally pass out on the bathroom tile. That experience made me realize how much we take for granted. I take for granted every ligament in my thumb, every bit of skin that isn't stabbed through, I take for granted that my teeth won't crack in half tonight. My point is that Ali's journey is a tough one to be on. Every body part and function that we take for granted she has to face head-on: bone deterioration, muscle tension, liver and lung functionality, gastrointestinal function, neuropathy, and the like. She just doesn't think about it a lot, just takes it one bite at a time. Which, I hear, is how one eats an elephant.

The new lease title is because we have rented our house out for the next two years. That and every moment is a new lease, a new guarantee that you'll have every opportunity to enjoy the present moment. You're free to enjoy now. It's your lease.

Sleeping Stories

This morning I woke up and, instead of getting out of bed, I sat and read a few pages. Alison was asleep beside me. Her face looked peaceful, and her nose twitched like she was smelling something foul or giving me a look of disapproval. I thought that was funny. Then I thought how life is funny. It's very interesting.
All of our lives are intermingled, but no two stories are the same. They have moments of bravery, courage, and moments of dispair, when we need another's help. If you would have told me this morning that I'd have been right here, right now, under these circumstances, I would have told you that you have a carreer in writing in front of you, because that's more creative than I could have jestulated. In fact, this story is made for TV.
Alison and I will be fine through this new pain of hers. We need to focus on today, right now, instead of on our upcoming move. When you look further than the present moment, you miss such beauty, such as your wife's peaceful face on the pillow, breathing in and letting out.
I hope everyone's story is as interesting as ours. It certainly makes things interesting.

Not So Bad Either

Well we sat at the doctors for a few hours today, and walked out feeling better. Well, emotionally atleast. Today was a better day for Alison. She was not as nauseous, had the pain under control with Morphine Sulfate, and ate and showered. The doctor, having seen the large welt-like swollen muscle in Alison's back, believed it was spasm related. Like the muscle was the problem and not the nerve. Alison carries stress in her back, and often gets knots, but this is a mother-knot. She also has some sensitive spots on her side, stomach, etc, which feel like they're abraded, friction-riddled, and hurt when they're touched. Those are indicators that there is some weird nerve things going on, but again the Doc thought it was more likely that it was because of the chemo drugs and not from tumors pinching things. Finally, we discussed some medication changes, and decided to do chemo this week instead of next. It just works out better, and in my humble opinion, I think the drugs need to get re-scheduled into circulation. We went from every three weeks, to a six-week break for christmas and a six weeks break to visit over Valentine's. It's time to get back at it. Don't give the cancer a chance to get back up.

God's healing Alison. He's teaching her that she has all the tools to accomplish whatever she wills. She's got everything she needs to make any change at any time. She's the pilot of her life. This cancer has been a learning point, and continues to teach us lessons.

Not So Good

Alison's back and side have been hurting her lately. The theory is that the main tumor's growth, as we saw in the CT scan, is back to pushing/pinching/interfering with a nerve. It's been getting worse really, and this weekend was rough. She takes morphine-sulphate to numb the pain; she tried some Oxycontin yesterday, but it made her nauseous. Makes me nauseous to remember her pain from June 2006 - January 2007.
Anyways, we're taking her straight to the Doctor's office this morning. I think she needs blood. Blood and chemotherapy.
This is another ebb-tide along the journey. We'll get her fixed up and keep on sailing.

Picture Mission

As my final work-related project, my buddy Matt and I made an excursion in the Humdinger to capture some pictures. I'm going to select one of them and draw it for going-away presents for future goings-away. It'll be charcoal, 11x14. We thought it would be good to have a non-military picture, so that it has a better chance of actually going on a married Marine's wall.

BLOG PAUSE. It may be a while.

Wood Tells Us

Natural things are better. Our house is brick and cedar. I've noticed that the cedar by the roof (Facia) had been looking pretty rough in spots lately. After investigating, I determined that moisture had been getting in from under the bottom row of shingles, and keeping the cedar wet. No real leaks, but definitely a requirement for replacing some rotted wood. I also wanted to prevent the same problem in the future, so I bought a membrane-type flashing like ice shield, and installed it all along the roof.
So back to the lead-in, I'm thinking about how vinyl fascia and siding doesn't rot or wear. Which is good, until you think about how rotting and wearing is a sign. So vinyl siding leaves no sign. And without a sign, I fear the problem would grow into a mold/mildew problem.
Maybe I'm just anti-new construction.
But thinking about it, all natural things show signs. Wear. Rot. Problems. But that doesn't make them bad, it helps prevent bigger problems. And tying it back to Alison, if your body is showing you a sign, either pain, changes, or wear, prevent a bigger problem by acting on it. Last year Alison and I potentially saved her life by insisting that there was something wrong with her neck. The nurses thought she'd bumped it, or was bruising, but we knew something was wrong. As it turned out, her port created a blood clot in her internal jugular. Left untreated, it could have created an aneurysm or even death.
I'm not sure of my point, but I'm compelled to encourage you to listen to the signals.

Duty and Chemo, mixed with Carpet

Alison's doing chemotherapy again this week. Her news was hard to bear, but the realization hit me that I had unfair expectations. We learned that it's still the same threat. The same bear. I was hoping that since we'd shrank it some, it'd be a teddy. And to not use an analogy, we learned more about what was frequent enough and not frequent enough to hold her true. 2 rounds in 12 weeks is too infrequent.

I had duty yesterday, and the carpet was being installed. The installers were supposed to move the furniture out and put it back afterwards, but as I was there when they removed everything, I realized that they would make the bed, replace clothes in the closet, etc. Thankful for that, too, I am. Don't want some hubba bubba touching my skivvies.

Anyways, with duty I was forced to go back to work and remain there. But two guys have come for two hours each to hold down the fort for me. So I was able to come make the beds and tidy the house, so Alison would be comfortable and the burden would not fall on her. That's brotherhood I tell you. I'm very thankful for friends, but more significantly, I think that's what Marines do: we take care of each other.